Small talk may mean a big deal

To pull in good results in international business, you need to know how to do the small talk.

By David Hoskin

You’re left alone in the meeting room with someone you’ve just met. There’s an awkward silence. Do you need to break the ice? How? Do you ask how old he is? Do you ask where she lives? Do you comment on his colorful tie? Or is silence the best treatment?

Maybe you know what to say – maybe you don’t. The right approach is not as easy as you may think, but it can be a great way to get your meeting, and your relationship with that person, off to a good start. What you’re looking for is small talk – that casual conversation that often precedes and follows serious business.

Building relationships

Although small talk may seem like idle conversation, it shouldn’t be underestimated. It creates confidence and common ground before business discussions can get underway. Human beings are social creatures, and we obviously use our speaking abilities to make connections to other people and to form relationships. Just through the sound of our voices – regardless of what we are speaking about – we can reveal a lot about ourselves as people: personality, state of mind, where we come from, and many other individual characteristics.

This is where small talk comes in. Most people don’t always want to talk about serious and practical topics. For one thing, we may actually not be able to speak about the same topics. And let’s face it, if everything we spoke about was serious, the world would be a pretty boring place! So we have to find some sort of common ground that allows us to talk together and at the same time let’s us relax and feel at ease.

Set the boundaries

Think about the people you most like to work with. You probably feel comfortable in their presence and you can probably talk about a variety of subjects not related to work. In your conversations over the years, you’ve probably covered all sorts of topics, from the weather to your health, hobbies, holidays, your kids, and current affairs. These have all helped to create a personal connection that is likely to make your professional relationship easier.

On the other hand, you probably haven’t wanted to give away too much about yourself. In a business context, it’s unlikely you will talk about our innermost feelings, anxieties, needs and wants. That would be quite over the top even for the most effervescent of cultures! Small talk helps to set boundaries for what you talk about, and it’s there to fill the gaps when you don’t want to get too personal.

Small talk for starters

When you’re meeting with someone for the first time, having a few well-chosen, but non-committal, topics to talk about lets you set a good tone for the meeting without making you feel as though you’re about to do hard-nosed business negotiations with your best friend.

“Didn’t it rain a lot yesterday?” you might ask as you walk into the meeting room. Or you might complain about the one-hour traffic jam you’ve just been in, or that your train was late – again! This may be enough for starters and to get you talking together, but if you want to establish more common ground, you’ll have to expand your small talk repertoire.

But this is where it gets tricky. Say the wrong thing, and you risk getting the cold shoulder before you’ve even started. Your small talk can end up working against you – especially if you’re with someone of another nationality.

There are vast differences related to social and business etiquette according to the country or region you are in. In some countries, small talk is a characteristic of local norms, but in others there’s not even a word for it. In the next issues of WordSpin, I will look at some of the cultural differences in small talk and give you some ideas about how to develop your cross-cultural small talk skills.

In the meantime, check out The Armstrong and Miller Show’s take on The Origin of Small Talk. Perhaps small talk is at the heart of our innate need for communication?

David Hoskin was born and raised small talking in New Zealand. Over the last 18 years, he’s been trying idle chit chat with Danes and others from Northern Europe with varying degrees of success.