Bloopers from the beginning

The English language is full of tricky homonyms and odd expressions, it’s no wonder students sometimes get it so hilariously wrong.

Here are a few gems from students new to the English language… and while we applaud their effort, we do reserve the right to laugh!

“Should I have a coma in the middle of this sentence?” No, but your teacher might.

Don’t confuse your meat with your animal: “I just ate some chickens.”

“We have hated each other for so long. I want to borrow the hatchet.” Yikes! And what might you be needing that for?

“A cold is caused by micro-orgasms in your nose.”

We wonder if this line ever works: “I am so eager to mate you!”

“My leg has been breaking for three weeks.”  What a long and painful process… for all of us.

“It is dangerous to smoke while you are becoming pregnant.” Especially if you tend to fall asleep soon after.

“I have a very kinky neck.” 

We’ve heard of burnt coffee, but that’s ridiculous: “Do you like your coffee cremated?”

“I always ate lunch at school. But every day my mother made me suffer.” You can probably work that out in therapy.

“Did you have breakfast?” “Yes. Now it is in my backpack.”

Even native speakers have fun with this one: “You can’t sleep with me because it is too crowded. But you can probably sleep with my sister. That’s what most of my friends do when they visit.”

“We live on the sex floor. Our apartment is small but we have a nice view.”  We can only imagine!

“I never liked mushrooms, but now they are starting to grow in me.”

“The entire country has been devastated by a long trout.”  That IS a long trout.

“Do you like this food? I made it from scratching!”

“You look sad today. Do you want to expose yourself to me?” Nothing turns a frown upside down like public nudity!

“The police were attacked by a large group of angry mops.”

“Christians believe if they do not sin they will have salivation.” An army of drooling religious fanatics!

And finally: “My favorite food is crap cakes.”